Habeas Corpus Christi
A satirical look at recent the very White House activities...
It is being widely reported that the Administration is flying in planeloads of undocumented aliens in a counteroffensive to the diversity insurgency invasion trying to keep America from again getting great like it was in the late 1800’s.
A boastfully admitted drug addict of African decent with ties to eastern European and Middle Eastern terrorists and terrorist organizations known to meddle illegally in elections around the world is said to be funding this mission to replace American citizens with his preferable others.
Exiting Air Force One at Joint Base Andrews as he returned with the (sic) president from meeting with multiple tyrants and murderers of American soldiers, the unelected Supreme Director Secretary of Everything said, “Real Americans of the kind we need and should want are not procreating fast enough and therefore we have no option but to bring these far more desirable people to the front of the replacement lines for the good of the fatherland.”
Separately in testimony before Congress, dressed as the Statue of Liberty holding an AK-47, the Secretary of Fatherland Uniformity said that regardless of fake news to the contrary, “These wonderful people are desperately helpless refugees who are being mercilessly persecuted in their country simply because of the wealth and privilege they rightly and justly obtained from indigenous people oblivious to their clear genetic inferiorities that made them incapable understanding the immeasurable opportunities that were being provided to them by benevolent protectors of freedom in the name of Christ.”
Later in day the very White House pressure secretary, Karen Levity confirmed that that these irrelevantly white people had not only been persecuted in Africa, but that they were already the targets of vicious and unwarranted attacks here in god’s blessed America for simply wanting to escape the oppression of the multi-cultural freely elected repressive regime from which they were being rescued as they had nowhere else in the world to find the safe haven they so richly deserve.
When asked by a reporter (who a very White House spokesperson later said was a communist plant who somehow got by security and infiltrated the pressure room and has since been placed in solitary confinement at a maximum security facility in Louisnana) whether the (sic) president intended to comply with recent court orders, Levity replied that, “As you all know the (sic) president just got back from defying gravity in winning the slam dunk contest at the NBA playoffs in haters of America blue sanctuary shithole New York, which by the way was the greatest place to live on Earth when he lived there simply because he lived there and he makes everything great just by being wherever he is. But, rest assured that just like he defied gravity in dunking from half-court he won’t have any problem defying stupid and totally wrong rulings by soon to be impeached and deported incompetent nasty woke judges who hate the (sic) president.”
Another accused plant and being investigated questioner asked the Karen if the very White House was concerned about the (sic) president’s falling poll numbers and the number, frequency and size of the demonstrations around the country protesting the very White House policies. To which the Karen scoffed, “I don’t recognize who you’re with, but you should know that asking such absurd fake news questions puts you very close to the AP Line of getting your credentials revoked. I will tell you this, that in any country’s history there has never ever been a more popular president. Period. Never. Ever. All these ‘so-called’ demonstrators who are being paid by George Soros and Joe Biden need to be careful as well that they don’t get shot in the legs, or somewhere.”
The reporter followed up asking if the Karen was threatening violence against protestors. Fondling her humbly diamond encrusted cross necklace she replied with a wry smile, “Of course not. That’s such a ridiculously dumb question. You people just can’t take a joke.”
The Karen added, “If there was to be an uprising, which there won’t be because of how much the (sic) president is loved by everyone including the new woke pope from the totally shithole city of Chicago, it will be because the antifa anti-Christ communist democrats who hate America refuse to comply with the totally Constitutional EOs (edict orders) by who everyone on Earth says is the greatest (sic) president in the history of the world. And even if your scenario, which you should be ashamed for asking about, were to happen our dear leader would end any conflicts on day one with just one phone call because he is the greatest deal maker the world has ever been so blessed to have in control of everything.”
“Speaking of Pope Woke the first, and last,” said the Karen, her diamond encrusted necklace glistening as if struck by light from on high, “Everyone knows the conclave was rigged… Joe Biden is allegedly Catholic, and Saddam Hussein Obama lives in Chicago. So it’s obvious they picked Bob because that’s what the woke mob Evangelical American haters wanted. Next question.”
Asked about the (sic) president lashing out against the 9-0 ruling requiring the administration to facilitate getting Abrego Garcia brought back from El Salvador the Karen responded that, “As the very most stablest of geniuses (sic) president said, “That’s not what my people told me — they didn’t say it was, they said it was — the nine to nothing was entirely different.”
Reading from notes the reported followed up that the ruling states, “The order properly requires the government to facilitate Abrego Garcia’s release from custody in El Salvador.”
The Karen responded that, “I leave that to my lawyers,” is what the most wonderfullest leader ever of our Christian country said when asked if he is actively facilitating Garcia’s return. And I quote, ‘I give them no instructions. They feel that the order said something very much different from what you’re saying. But I leave that to my lawyers. If they want — and that would be Attorney General of the United States and the people that represent the country. I don’t make that decision.’ So, it’s not his decision. He doesn’t need to make decisions. And it’s certainly not your decision. And, I think you should always demonstrate being more grateful than you apparently are that you even get the privilege to be in here to ask such ridiculous questions.”
“I just want to follow up on the previous question,” said another ingrate. “In response to the SCOTUS recent 7-2 ruling against deportations of Venezuelans without due process, the (sic) president said, and I quote, ‘“We cannot give everyone a trial,” Trump wrote on Truth Social, “because to do so would take, without exaggeration, 200 years.”
Seemingly from out of nowhere Goebbels Miler stepped to the podium shouting, “Show me your hands… Show me your hands! We are not responding to any questions from Tren de Araqua sympathizers. The SCOTUS decision was 2-7 in our favor, and as always we always have we are going to abide by some courts’ decisions. And even if it takes 200 years, we are going to deport every single man, woman, person, camera and TV channel that is here illegally or defying the (sic) president’s unquestionable authority to do whatever he imagines exactly as provided for in Article 2 of the Constitution that we are going to see rewritten so it gets rid of Article 1 and other ridiculous impediments to the (sic) president’s authority like habeas corpus… This pressure conference is over. Capital Police and Secret Service … bring me photo ID of everyone in this room…” With that he evaporated back into the shadows.
The Karen ended the session with, “Thanks some of you, and Christian god willing we’ll thankfully see fewer of you tomorrow.”